


you are my sunshine

by northerndavvn



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Gen, M/M, buckle up folks this is not happy at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 23:19:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3359021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/northerndavvn/pseuds/northerndavvn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"You are the one shining light in my life."</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	you are my sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> wheezing laughter
> 
> sobs

He never really knew what love was, before coming to Kirkwall.

He had loved his mother, but she is nothing more than a distant memory, something half-remembered and more a dream than anything. He thought he loved Karl, just a little, but that wasn't love- that was a lifeline, desperate and clinging and tainted by circumstance. Surana was kinda to him, and he looks at her and thinks,  _I could love you,_ but he never gets the time to. 

He sees Hawke, and the earth falls out from beneath his feet. 

Hwke turned his entire life upside down just by walking in his door, all sharp smiles and bargains. He never demanded, never raised his voice, and there was a softness about him that Anders appreciated, that made him want to bury into his skin. Made him want to feel  _safe._

It takes him a while to realize what the fluttering ache in his chest is, kicking into high gear whenever Hawke glances at him with a grin quirking his lips. By the time he figures it out, Hawke and his grins are already gone, trading secret smiles with Fenris, the corners of his eyes crinkling when their fingers brush. 

It makes Anders sick and sad, but not surprised. After all, who could love him? He doesn't even love himself. He's an abomination, and apostate. He couldn't offer Hawke anything, not a future and certainly not all of himself. There are far too many that have a claim on his body and soul for him to give out any more.

So Anders holds his breath and holds his tongue and smiles tightly whenever Hawke comes to fetch him for this or that, his fingers clenched in his threadbare coat as he loses himself.


End file.
